Monthly Archives: March 2011
Heat Beat Lakers…Still Gay
This is why everyone hates The Heat. They lose badly and cry (literally) when people are critical of them. They say they don’t want the attention they’re getting when they lose, it’s unfair to look at them with such scrutiny. But when they win they love the spotlight all over again. It’s beyond retarded. When they play well, they play well enough to beat a team like the Lakers. But it’s so inconsistent that the rest of the league just laughs. In half a season they still have no defining characteristics about their team other than get the ball to Lebron or Wade, and lose in close games. Their bench is the absolute weakest out of the top teams, and their starters can’t get the job done by themselves. So I’m glad they got a win like this. Honestly, I am. Because Bosh can get all the man hugs he wants, he finally did an alright job, and his team won. Take all those gay little hugs you want. You’re back in the spotlight, watch how fast you retreat when you get blown out again by a good team. And they definitely will do it. When it goes well, these three are like best friends at the podium in interviews, yucking it up and giving gay smiles to each other on camera. When they lose, Lebron snubs the media, Wade covers his face, and Bosh cries like a bitch while Spoelstra rats them out to ESPN. But this is what they asked for. Shit, they danced and celebrated in the arena before they practiced a single game. The league laughs on……
PS – How gay was Bosh’s smile after saying he loved man hugs? Just a huge shit eating grin on that ugly motherfucker. Gay
Man Stocks WalMart Shelves With Pictures of Him as Tranny
AOL - You can find almost anything on the shelves at Walmart — sometimes even obscene photographs of a 44-year-old man in drag. Police in Fremont, Ohio, say Rodney Kunkel stocked the shelves at Walmart with graphic photographs showing himself in black nylons, heels and pink lingerie with his genitals exposed. Kunkel allegedly placed the photos on shelves in the cosmetic department and on cars in the store’s parking lot on Feb. 28, The News-Messenger reports. On March 3, authorities say the suspect returned to the scene of the crime — the same store where he’d had the photos developed. Store employees managed to identify him as the culprit and contacted police. Officers — who recovered more than a dozen photographs allegedly depicting the suspect in women’s undies — pulled over Kunkel as he drove away from the store. Kunkel reportedly admitted he had placed the photos inside the store and in the parking lot, according to TV station WLWT. The suspect is on probation for a nonsupport violation and reportedly has seven previous public indecency charges. He has been charged with two felony counts of pandering obscenity.
Walmart never ceases to amaze me. It’s the only place you can go to, 24 hours a day, where you can run into the underworld of your local society, roaming the aisles in fatty multitudes. People watching is one of my favorite things ever, and Walmart is one of the best places for that. That has to be what Rodney was thinking here. Just strutting his shit around the local Walmart in a shithole area of Ohio, throwing his junk in everyone’s face. Pretty genius in some respects here. It’s not illegal to leave products on shelves last time I checked. You’re not stealing. It’s not a bomb. If you don’t want it there, clean it up. Nothing wrong with that in my book. Also, I’m a firm believer in showing the ladies what you’re working with. Put it on the table, ya know? Present it early and often. Rodney was just spreading the word. What better place than the cosmetic department and random windshields? The only thing I’d do different if I was him is maybe get the film developed somewhere other than Walmart. You’re making it too easy for these people to identify your gross ass.
Actress “Snoop” From “The Wire” Arrested in Baltimore Drug Raid
SF Gate - An actress who appeared on the HBO series “The Wire” has been charged with conspiring to sell heroin and was one of dozens arrested in early morning raids across Baltimore, authorities said Thursday. Felicia “Snoop” Pearson, 30, is among 64 people charged in a joint state-federal prosecution of a large east Baltimore drug gang. She is charged in state court with conspiring with two men to distribute heroin and aiding and abetting. Officers seized $69,000, four guns, marijuana and heroin in “Operation Usual Suspects,” which built on hundreds of hours of investigation dating back to 2008, Commissioner Frederick Bealefeld said. “People might say, ‘From 2008, what took you so long?’” Bealefeld said. “We want to build good, solid prosecutions.” The DEA’s approach is to work with local officials to target the source of the drugs to have an impact and that’s just what they did in this case, said DEA Special Agent in Charge Ava Cooper-Davis. “We have removed the entire drug organization,” she said. “We got the top, we got the bottom, we got everything in between.” “The Wire,” which ran from 2002 to 2008, was filmed in Baltimore and put a spotlight on the city’s struggle with poverty and drug violence through the stories of the city’s police, drug organizations, schools, politicians and media. Pearson’s character, which shares the nickname “Snoop,” knocks off several people for the fictitious Stanfield drug gang. This is not Pearson’s first brush with the law. She was convicted of second-degree murder in a slaying committed when she was 14. She served five years of an eight-year sentence and was released in 2000.
This seriously read like it was a season finale of The Wire. Just hard nosed detective work to build a case on a whole empire, and then clear it all out in one swoop. It usually never works, but every once in awhile something will stick. Anyone that’s watched that show must not be too surprised by this story. Easily my favorite show of all time, which makes me wonder how Snoop could have been so dumb? She acted in a role of a paranoid assassin that was always one step ahead of the law. Jesus Christ, she should have saw this coming a mile away. But anyway, this bitch is for real. Tough as nails, ready to catch a body to prove a point. I’m 6’2” and I wouldn’t ever wanna see her in an alley. Just straight manhood crusher right there. Convicted teenage murderer, heroin dealing gangsta bitch, this chick is hard. I think it’s just something about Baltimore that brings out the hood in a person.
Man Has 82 Tattoos of Julia Roberts
Daily Mail - Most film enthusiasts would be satisfied with a signed photograph to remind them of their favourite screen idol. But Julia Roberts devotee Miljenko Parserisas Bukovic has opted for something a little more personal to prove his love for the Pretty Woman star. The newspaper vendor from Valparaiso in Chile has spent the last ten years – and about £1,300 – having 82 portraits of the actress tattooed on his torso and arms. Mr Bukovic, 56, started his collection after watching Miss Roberts’ Oscar-winning performance in the film Erin Brockovich. All of his 82 tattoos of the actress are inspired by scenes in the film. Mr Bukovic said he plans to get more tattoos of the star on his chest, back and arms – as long as there is space and he has the money.
This guy has to be about 2 weeks away from being arrested for trying to skin Julia Roberts, right? Fucking creep show for real. Look, I love tattoos, I’m pretty addicted to them myself. But no matter how much I love them, sometimes I just look at peoples tattoos and become dumbfounded. Like, what goes through someone’s head when getting one tattoo of Julia Roberts, let alone the 20th…the 50th…the 82nd? Are you fucking kidding me? That’s beyond psychotic. If I was Julia Roberts I’d be running for the hills, get to a safe place. Miljenko Parserisas is fucking crazy, not in prison, and prepared to cover his whole body with your face for the rest of his life.
Man Throws Dog Shit at Old Lady and Her Dog
Dog shit on the sidewalk is one of the worst epidemics in my neighborhood. I’m literally dodging landmines on my walk home every night. So this guy is an absolute hero in my book. Just completely fed up with it all. Probably has known it was that bitch and her dog dropping bombs on the sidewalk for months. He was just waiting for the perfect time to call this bitch out on her shit (pun fucking intended). He looked like Papelbon, staring that cunt down and then throwing some heat. I swear to God if I saw the person and their dog do the deed right in front of me, I might take a page out of this guys book and go all Gary Busey on that ass.
Sex Scandal Teacher Cleared of Charges…Judge Said The Boy Wanted It
Daily Mail - A teaching assistant who slept with a boy of 15 escaped jail yesterday after a judge ruled the child made the first move and was not ‘corrupted’ by the experience. Leah Davies, 30, had sex with the schoolboy in his family home after being invited over by his mother, with whom she was friends. After the mother went to bed, Davies and the boy watched a DVD and drank vodka before having sex in the living room. She was given a 12-month suspended sentence, plus a two-year supervision order, after Judge Martin Rudland said she was an ‘ordinary, decent, hard-working woman who made a tragic and foolish mistake’. Davies first kissed the boy in autumn 2009 and on another occasion performed a sex act on him, but they only had sex once, Manchester Crown Court heard. The police were called after he confided to his aunt last year. Yesterday Davies, a mother of one who taught at several primary schools, was convicted of sexual activity with a child. The judge said: ‘There have been cases in which the power in a relationship has been imbalanced, with the younger person having less. But that’s not the case here. ‘The complainant, if he can be described as such, was a gregarious young man who played in a band and was sexually experienced. ‘The experience was short-lived and required no coercion. He touched you first. He was not seduced or corrupted by the experience. Davies had been a close friend of the boy’s mother for three years and had even been on holidays with the family, the court heard. The boy told police he had a friendly relationship with her and was close to her ten-year-old son. ‘She’d come over with him,’ he said. ‘She’d looked after us a few times with my sister, like when my mum went down to Brighton to be with my other aunt who was having a baby. We’d stay at hers for a few days. ‘We’d talk about films and bands, she was into the same music as me.’ He said she saw him in school uniform when she came round during the week and definitely knew he was 15. The boy added: ‘I don’t feel like it was forced onto me.’
It’s about God damn time that one of these teacher sex scandal stories got it right. Every time I hear about a teacher banging a student, I think the same thing. Look, at the age of 15 you can absolutely decide on who you want to have sex with. You can tell that in 99% of these cases the dude is down for it. So when I hear how these guys are painted as victims of a sexual predator (especially some of the hotter teachers) I get pissed. None of these stories ever say how the student stopped the teacher from shoving her hand down his pants. They never mention how they were completely seduced by the teacher either. These stories always leave out one little detail: the amount of “game” the guy has. In every single case, the level of game the guy must produce in order to bed their teacher is unheard of. You think these dirty teachers are dropping their panties to the smart kid raising his hand all the time? Hell no. It’s always the kid in a band, or the football star, etc. These guys know exactly what they’re doing. There is no question about it, almost every teacher sex scandal should end just like this one. The judge should throw out almost all of these cases. Criminal charges on consensual sex? Nah. They should be fired, definitely. But to lock these broads up is an injustice to America.
Japan Introduces Creepiest Cell Phone Ever
Oddity Central - A group of Japanese scientists have created a doll-like mobile phone they say is designed to make you feel closer to the person you’re talking to. No, this is not a joke… Japan has been at the forefront of technological research and development for a long time, but some of the things they’ve come up over the years were incredibly weird and creepy. Case in point the latest mobile phone prototype designed by researcher Takashi Minato assisted by a team of scientists. He has created a human-shaped cell phone with a skin-like outer layer that is supposed to help people feel closer to the person they’re communicating with. The current prototype is slightly larger than the palm of a hand, designed to look like a human and has a soft outer layer that heats and cools in a similar way human skin does. A speaker is installed in the creepy humanoid head of the handheld gadget, and the microphone is located at the bottom, where the feet should be. It also has a light-emitting diode that turns blue when the phone is in use and red when it’s in stand-by mode. Minato and his colleagues hope to add image and voice recognition in the near future.
Really Japan? Like, for reals? This is the reason the world laughs at you as much as it respects you. You do weird shit like this all the time. Sure, you have people that can dominate hot dog competitions, but then you ruin the good by throwing in piles of bad to your name. Who the fuck do you market something like this to? A phone that feels like human skin that can warm up like real flesh? If someone goes on a waiting list to buy this thing their name should also be sent to the FBI and their residence checked for a well in their basement with people in it. I can’t picture one scenario where someone is talking on a phone and they say, “you know what? this cell phone is great, but it would be way better if it felt like i was hugging someone’s cheek when I talked on it.” It’s exactly this type of technology we will never ever need as a species. But those Japanese are crazy enough to buy this shit. I know I’m gonna be on the T one of these days and see some Asian dude pulling this voodoo doll out of his pocket and start screaming into it. When that day comes I’m gonna cry.
Border’s Employees Have Fun With Liquidation!
Borders employees, I’m fucking proud of you. Like I said a few weeks ago I feel your pain. I liquidated at Circuit City and by the last few weeks me and my fellow employees just started having fun too. We would give customers a hard time or answer their questions with completely made up answers. But working at a bookstore sorta limits the way you can fuck with people. These guys finally got it right though. Getting creative with it for sure. But this was a little too easy. Gardeners, pot heads, its all the same. If it was me, I’d put up a Self Help section and put books about suicide and autoerotic-asphyxiation in there to really start messing with them. I bet before all these stores close we’re gonna see them get braver, and then the inevitable youtube fight videos will come to the surface too. Godspeed Border’s employees…godspeed.
Charlie Sheen Meets AutoTune – “Bi-Winning”
This is the best Charlie Sheen thing you’ll see for about another 2 hours. This man has been all over the place and it’s almost cliche to talk about him now. Like, “oh, did you see about Charlie Sheen?” Yea bro, the whole world has. But this did make me laugh. Autotune usually does make me laugh. And they nailed it spot on with this one. Tiger blood, drug named Charlie Sheen, 7 gram rocks…it was all there. Dude just keeps fucking winning.
Drunk Catholic Priest Threatens Cops With Blowjobs
Well, that had to be one of the most predictable videos I’ve seen in a long time. This priest is clearly gay. I mean, let’s get that right out of the way. Dressed nice, put together well, uses flamboyant gestures, talks like a gay…must be a gay. Nothing wrong with that for sure. But what IS wrong is when he goes into his gay rant about blowing officers to get him out of the cuffs. Whoa bro, calm down for a minute. Listen Father, I don’t know how you do it at your parish, but I’ve never seen my priest down too much Eucharist, drunk drive and then offer up bloweys. But this priest sure is one hell of a showman. Just craving the spotlight and giving it 110% every single time. Singing to the world, name dropping Oprah, he pulls out all the stops. Gotta admit, the singing at the end had me rooting for him. Completely won me over. Maybe he isn’t a gay. Maybe he was just totally trashed after Sunday mass. We’ve all been in a cell and offered blowjobs to correctional officers right? Right?
P.S.- I totally relate to him saying “I want you to free me, America…I want you to love me!” Exactly how I feel about this blog, people. I want you to love me!
